On Thursday, Lauren Yankoff and I recorded our second episode of our podcast, “Work, Live, Care – The Triple Shift Podcast.” Christy Moore, a nurse health educator who cares for her husband and her parents, joined us to share her story. (Look for the episode on December 15.)
During our discussion, Christy mentioned that she doesn’t need gift cards for massages; she wants time for meaningful activities with those she loves.
I can relate.
During stressful times, colleagues and friends saw my stress. “Oh, she’s really stressed because she needs help,” they thought. So, they gave me a gift card for a massage.
I have a pile of unused gift cards for massages.
Because what I needed — help — didn’t come. The gift cards are just another item on my To Do list. The last thing I need is to add to my To Do list. I also had to muster up the energy to be grateful (“Oh, how nice”) when really I thought, “Oh, no, something else to do — make an appointment, clear the schedule, figure out the help so I can go. Ugh.”
If you helped me take an item off my To Do list, I would have less stressed.
I think about these token expressions of help which really just add more work. Do we receive them because the giver just doesn’t get it? Is the giver overwhelmed by overwhelm so doesn’t know how to offer meaningful help? Is the giver so stressed by our stress she doesn’t want to get involved and gives the token gift to avoid any feelings of guilt? Does she think: “I gave her a massage so I’m free to go about my carefree life.”
Or is that just my bitter side showing?
I’d love to know your perspective and experiences.
What’s your version of the stack of unused massage gift cards?
(Image by congerdesign from Pixabay.)
Resources
- We’ll host our 36-Hour Christmas Chat again this year. If you have an extra hour of two, please consider volunteering.
- We gathered on December 6 to consider how you can transform your caregiving experience into your signature workshop. Want to transform your experience into a coaching career? Join me December 12 at 1 p.m. ET (Noon CT, 10 a.m. PT) to learn how.
